I am standing in front of the mirror combing my hair, when suddenly I go back three years – I am in your bedroom, standing in front of the mirror, combing my hair and you are standing nearby, your hands folded, you are looking at me, and you are smiling. You look perfect, you say. I smile, you are so perfect, I think.
I am walking back from class and it is raining outside, the smell of earth after rain, petrichor it is called, hits me and I go back five years – we are walking towards the cafe, hand in hand, it has just rained, the smell of earth after rain is all around us, it is a perfect evening and I am with a man who will break my soul in a few months.
A handsome man held the door for me today, I smiled at him and said thank you, and there I am, an year back in time – I am standing at your door saying goodbye and you are not listening because you want to kiss me, and then we are kissing, at your door, your shirt still unbuttoned, we get in the lift and we are kissing, we are on the ground floor now, it is time for me to go, you are smiling at me and I am looking at you.
I am sitting at a bar with my friends, we are drinking and it is a jolly night. Someone cracks a joke, and I am with you six months ago – we are laughing and drinking and smoking and drinking some more, the waiters love us, we order some more, our favorite pastry, and then we talk, and then I shout and then you laugh, and man that was fun.
I am coming back from a football match, it is late in the night. There is a man walking in front of me, and he is wearing red color studs and I go back to nine years ago – I am the new girl in school, we are 17, you are the soccer star and I am the brainy girl, we are so young and naive and I blush when I find you staring at me in class, and you blush back, there is that day when we are all alone in the class, and you tell me you have a match and I wish you luck, I kiss you on the cheek and you are red in face. Ah, so young we were.
I am trying to cancel an online order, my net connection is a little weak, and I think of the book you ordered for me, gift wrapped with a note, and the care you took for the message to be precise enough to be flirty and concise enough to be harmless, in case the parcel was received by someone else. You had touched my heart then, and I had fallen in love with you.
I am walking down the wing, I see the cleaning lady’s stuff outside one of the rooms, and I think how different it was in my previous hostel, where we had to clean our room ourselves, there was the cleaning staff but all they cleaned was the hostel outside the rooms and I think of how shabby our rooms used to be and then I remember – I remember that one night in your shabby room with its messy bed and messier table, I remember I was wearing a skirt you liked and that we were standing in front of the mirror, you and me and we were looking at us, together as a couple, so hot, so young, so perfect, in the mirror. It was just a reflection, of our true lives. A rather misleading reflection.