I think the only way I can best explain it to you is….you know how after a night of endless drinking you wake up the next day in some place and the last thing you remember is probably checking your phone or laughing at a silly joke and everything is a blur post that….so you wake up somewhere and then you have a faint recollection of what happened the last night and it takes some time to figure out where you phone is , where your wallet is, sometimes you take some time to find your clothes …yes well that does happen some times ( laughs).
I guess that is the closest it comes to what happens with me.
I would like to believe that I have a split personality and maybe I do but when I regain my consciousness it’s just ….
Like the last time when I came around to my conscious self I found myself at a railway station with two bags dressed for travel. And I was like – ok, what is going on here.
The next thing I know there is a train at the platform and I have boarded it and now I am inside and I have no idea if I have a ticket, if I am traveling first class because well that is the only good way to travel. I do not even know where my wallet is. Old habits guide my hands to known places and I find my wallet. I open it and there is money, lots of money and I am glad.
I find a ticket in my other pocket and I seem to be going to this place near the sea in a city far away. I look around the train and I know no one and the last thing I can remember is getting out of work. Pretty crazy huh?
I am sure you will say but how can it be? How can it be that you don’t remember anything after getting out of work? The ticket, the two bags, the trip to the station, how can you not remember that?
All I can say is I honestly don’t. I used to phase out a lot, you know, around people, just go into my own head in my own thoughts and I think that escalated quickly.